Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize