I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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