just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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