My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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