dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Enjoy the penises
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
