this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
