Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
