so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
