Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
