she smelled like a LAN party
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
