White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize