Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
