Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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