Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it's not cheating when I paid for it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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