he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
