it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
