Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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