I wish you could order shots online.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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