Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
