He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dignity is for republicans.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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