the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
