These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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