I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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