Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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