you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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