everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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