so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's a Shit stain on my heart
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
