I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
3pm strippers are depressing
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
