For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
