I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
