There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
