If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
