Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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