People with herpes should wear stickers.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
