I cut my penus on the lid.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
