I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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