I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
