TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
