Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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