He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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