I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
