O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
