jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
