So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I skipped work to stalk him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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