Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
