@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
