What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
where are my eyebrows?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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