I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm always down for nudity.
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