Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
