By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
