My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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