Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize