You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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