I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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