She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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