i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
