woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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