Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
