and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
