I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Pants are for mortals
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
