I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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