FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
