I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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