Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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