oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
