Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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