that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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