I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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