you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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