Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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