I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
