i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
