So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Randomize
