It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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