There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
