gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
