I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i wish my penis had a tongue
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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