In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
