i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
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Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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